Just another day

[maverick_weirdo]

This morning started with me returing my mother-in-law's car (which I borrowed yesterday to drive down to Conn)and bringing my laundry over there to use her washer & drier. You may be thinking, "but his wife left him, why would he be going to his mother-in-law?" Let me tell you I only hope you have, or someday have, a mother-in-law half as nice as Flo. She has told me strait out that, no matter what happens between my wife and I, Flo is keeping me as a son-in-law.

Then in the afternoon, I helped my wife pick up a new air conditioner for her apartment. I'm not quite sure why I agreed to move the air conditioner for her. Although, she has a bad back & I don't (At least I didn't this morning before I moved the air conditioner. Now I'm not so sure.)

Comments

[chaoticgoodchic.livejournal.com]

A couple years after my divorce, I served in the "divorce recovery" ministry at my church. I have heard many stories where one spouse wanted to be the "good guy" and help out the other.

I don't recommend it...at least not until you have recovered yourself 100%. At first it seems like the right thing to do, but I haven't seen a case yet where the results over time have been good. Eventually the "good guy" realizes that they've been helpful in order to earn the goodwill of the other and when that goodwill isn't realized, disappointment depression or humiliation follows. Or, if the "good guy" is well-adjusted, then the other just comes to expect such help as a habit and becomes an ungrateful "user" of the "good guy's" time and energy.

Healthy attitude then well-defined boundaries then friendship.
(Easier said than done, I know.)

[maverick-weirdo.livejournal.com]

The good news is I was not trying to create any “gratitude”, it’s just the way I am. A couple of weeks ago I was walking to my yoga class and I noticed a neighbor trying to move a Large television into a moving van. I stopped to help him.

I admit that I still consider her a friend so I would have helped her for that reason alone, but I also know what my wife expects of people. Her gratitude for helping her tends to be short lived, because she expects it. It was quite a shock to her that I would not, and still will not, help her move out. Anything taken from “my” place to her place, she has to do without my help. (The air conditioner was a new purchase.) An unfortunate side affect of not helping her move, is that she still has a lot of stuff at “my” place.

Her taking advantage of my good nature is the real danger. Especially because she has never really been on her own before.